ThinkMoveThrive is excited to feature our first guest blogger! Dr. Morris Pickens, “Dr. Mo,” is a sports psychologist specializing in competitive performance enhancement. His students (incl. Zach Johnson) have over 25 PGA TOUR victories (incl. 4 Major Championships), over 300 Amateur wins, and 2 NCAA Championship. He shares some incredible wisdom on our blog today.
250 words/min = 5 min read
The Importance Of Self Talk
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. – Proverbs 23:7
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. – Buddha
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. – Marcus Aurelius
In a world more and more driven by data, stats and analytics (every golfer on the PGA Tour can look at more than 600 stats for every round they play) it’s shocking to me that most people are clueless when it comes to the “tracking” of the thoughts they allow to enter their brain. They don’t question the origination of them or the validity. They ascribe the same credibly to advice from a guy in the airport as their therapist or pastor. Put simply, they don’t use the best supercomputer ever invented in the world, the human brain, to filter the inputs barraging them on a constant basis. And because of this, their self-talk goes almost completely unchecked.
Just to clarify what I mean by self-talk, I define self-talk as the internal articulation of my thinking. And the reason I believe self-talk is so SO IMPORTANT is, along with breathing, it is the sustainer of life. Breathing sustains physical life, self-talk sustains our mental life. The question is, “Does it sustain it well?”.
Think about the last time you were really winded. Maybe it was from a tough workout or rushing in an airport or maybe with your kid or grandkid seeing who could hold their breath the longest underwater (isn’t that a FUN thing when your 6-year old “beats” you?! – thought for another day). Whenever it was, you likely had to literally “stop and catch your breath” and this was the only time that day (maybe since) that you paid any attention to your breathing. And that’s kinda the way it is with our self-talk. Unless it’s brought to our attention that it is the single most dominant factor IN BOTH OUR SUCCESSES AND OUR FAILURES, we simply don’t pay it any attention.
But just like breathing, it is life-giving. Or life-taking.
I believe we never remain the same. You are constantly either improving your skills … trying to get better … looking to serve more … loving more unconditionally … or you are regressing … letting yourself get sloppy … focusing on things that don’t matter … wasting time on worrying.
And the main impetus in our ever-changing life is our self-talk. What originates from you first began in your mind.
Hardly anyone gets to choose the self-talk they are originally “sourced” with. For 99% of us, this came from the environment we grew up in. If we were constantly told we were cute or funny or smart, we believed it. But if we were told we were ugly or boring or stupid, we internalized that also. We became what others told us we were. And that’s pretty much what we thought of ourselves until our early to mid teens when we realized, “hey everybody isn’t the same, and I don’t have to be either”. This time period (13-18) is when cognitive development psychologists say we start to morph from youthful (< 12) concrete thinking (thinking centered around objects or events, i.e. 5 dimes and 2 quarters = 1 dollar) to more logical thinking that is centered around timelines or abstracts (what goals do I have for my tennis? or is my mom’s career something I might want to do?).
And it is in this time frame of more logical thinking (13-18) when we now also get to CHOOSE the inputs we bring into our environment (social media, friends, music etc.) that become the source or the reinforcement of our thinking and self-talk. The alarming reality though is at that age, most of us are totally unaware at the time this is actually happening. We’re just “living life”. But you’re not. You’re living life based on how your inputs tell you you should live life.
So if your friends tell you drugs are it, you might try them. If you follow someone on social media who’s always posting pics of fabulous vacations, you may feel as if you’re not that cool. If a teacher tells you you’ll never go to a good college, you lower your expectations. And on and on and on. Hopefully you have a parent or grandparent or mentor or older sibling who is paying attention and alerts you to the reality that life isn’t always as it seems and you actually get to CHOOSE your thoughts and your self-talk.
I was incredibly fortunate at 17-years old to watch a guy on TV talk about being a sport psychologist. And then even more blessed for a parent to respond, “Sure you could do that – why not, you could do anything you want”. Had I received a different answer maybe you’re not reading this today?
So … how do we ensure that our self talk (and the self-talk for our loved ones, especially those 18 and younger) is sustaining us well? I am by no means an expert on self-talk but here are a few thoughts:
1- Encourage those you care about way more than you critique them – at least a 3:1 ratio or more
2- Start every day by re-sourcing your mind with something you CHOOSE – an invigorating walk, peaceful music, reading a devotional, calling your mom or grandchild
3- Keep visual reminders in a location you frequently/daily visit (see mine below)
4- Tell your young kids every day and your big kids every week (no matter how old they are!) I love you, I’m proud of you, You’re good at …
5- Challenge any negative thought to see if it is helpful or harmful (the negative thought “don’t hit my ball in the water to the right” is helpful IF it’s done in the planning stage of executing a golf shot, not the performing stage) so you can then turn it into a positive thought as needed (so I’ll pick a target more to the left so I can still swing freely)
6- Give yourself some grace. Both by nature and by living in an ever critical world, we tend to “look for the negative” in things and this includes our self (especially for “successful” people). And to some degree this has served us well as we look to improve our weaknesses. But like a big bowl of ice cream or a huge bag of popcorn and a large Cherry-Coke (my splurge when I’m traveling), too much will make us sick. Mentally sick. Don’t do that to yourself.
A few months ago I was on a call and asked to provide what advice I would give to my 20-year old self. My response was, “You will meet a lot of people the next 40 years who can help or hurt the situations you find yourself in. The one thing none of them can do for you is choose the self-talk you constantly bombard yourself with. That will always remain your most impactful choice in life.”
Choose wisely.
Dr. Mo
You can find more content from Dr. Mo about golf and life on his website https://www.drmolearntowin.com. He has also written several books titled “Learn to Win” and “The Winning Way in Golf and Life.” You can find them at https://www.amazon.com/Learn-Win-Dr-Morris-Pickens/dp/0557091942 and https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Way-Golf-Life/dp/1400324068
ThinkMoveThrive
After reading Dr. Mo, do you feel like your self-talk may need to change. What changes would you make? If you are interested in helping team members or employees in your organization become more aware of their self-talk, we are here to help! If so, check out our 1on1 Coaching App. We created an entire coaching system to make it easier for managers to have consistent conversations with team members designed to develop trust and team performance. For the most effective results, contact us to set up training for your coaching system launch.
~ Coach D
Inaugural Post
ThinkMoveThrive is excited to feature our first guest blogger! Dr. Morris Pickens, “Dr. Mo,” is a sports psychologist specializing in competitive performance enhancement. His students (incl. Zach Johnson) have over 25 PGA TOUR victories (incl. 4 Major Championships), over 300 Amateur wins, and 2 NCAA Championship. He shares some incredible wisdom on our blog today.
250 words/min = 5 min read
The Importance Of Self Talk
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. – Proverbs 23:7
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. – Buddha
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. – Marcus Aurelius
In a world more and more driven by data, stats and analytics (every golfer on the PGA Tour can look at more than 600 stats for every round they play) it’s shocking to me that most people are clueless when it comes to the “tracking” of the thoughts they allow to enter their brain. They don’t question the origination of them or the validity. They ascribe the same credibly to advice from a guy in the airport as their therapist or pastor. Put simply, they don’t use the best supercomputer ever invented in the world, the human brain, to filter the inputs barraging them on a constant basis. And because of this, their self-talk goes almost completely unchecked.
Just to clarify what I mean by self-talk, I define self-talk as the internal articulation of my thinking. And the reason I believe self-talk is so SO IMPORTANT is, along with breathing, it is the sustainer of life. Breathing sustains physical life, self-talk sustains our mental life. The question is, “Does it sustain it well?”.
Think about the last time you were really winded. Maybe it was from a tough workout or rushing in an airport or maybe with your kid or grandkid seeing who could hold their breath the longest underwater (isn’t that a FUN thing when your 6-year old “beats” you?! – thought for another day). Whenever it was, you likely had to literally “stop and catch your breath” and this was the only time that day (maybe since) that you paid any attention to your breathing. And that’s kinda the way it is with our self-talk. Unless it’s brought to our attention that it is the single most dominant factor IN BOTH OUR SUCCESSES AND OUR FAILURES, we simply don’t pay it any attention.
But just like breathing, it is life-giving. Or life-taking.
I believe we never remain the same. You are constantly either improving your skills … trying to get better … looking to serve more … loving more unconditionally … or you are regressing … letting yourself get sloppy … focusing on things that don’t matter … wasting time on worrying.
And the main impetus in our ever-changing life is our self-talk. What originates from you first began in your mind.
Hardly anyone gets to choose the self-talk they are originally “sourced” with. For 99% of us, this came from the environment we grew up in. If we were constantly told we were cute or funny or smart, we believed it. But if we were told we were ugly or boring or stupid, we internalized that also. We became what others told us we were. And that’s pretty much what we thought of ourselves until our early to mid teens when we realized, “hey everybody isn’t the same, and I don’t have to be either”. This time period (13-18) is when cognitive development psychologists say we start to morph from youthful (< 12) concrete thinking (thinking centered around objects or events, i.e. 5 dimes and 2 quarters = 1 dollar) to more logical thinking that is centered around timelines or abstracts (what goals do I have for my tennis? or is my mom’s career something I might want to do?).
And it is in this time frame of more logical thinking (13-18) when we now also get to CHOOSE the inputs we bring into our environment (social media, friends, music etc.) that become the source or the reinforcement of our thinking and self-talk. The alarming reality though is at that age, most of us are totally unaware at the time this is actually happening. We’re just “living life”. But you’re not. You’re living life based on how your inputs tell you you should live life.
So if your friends tell you drugs are it, you might try them. If you follow someone on social media who’s always posting pics of fabulous vacations, you may feel as if you’re not that cool. If a teacher tells you you’ll never go to a good college, you lower your expectations. And on and on and on. Hopefully you have a parent or grandparent or mentor or older sibling who is paying attention and alerts you to the reality that life isn’t always as it seems and you actually get to CHOOSE your thoughts and your self-talk.
I was incredibly fortunate at 17-years old to watch a guy on TV talk about being a sport psychologist. And then even more blessed for a parent to respond, “Sure you could do that – why not, you could do anything you want”. Had I received a different answer maybe you’re not reading this today?
So … how do we ensure that our self talk (and the self-talk for our loved ones, especially those 18 and younger) is sustaining us well? I am by no means an expert on self-talk but here are a few thoughts:
1- Encourage those you care about way more than you critique them – at least a 3:1 ratio or more
2- Start every day by re-sourcing your mind with something you CHOOSE – an invigorating walk, peaceful music, reading a devotional, calling your mom or grandchild
3- Keep visual reminders in a location you frequently/daily visit (see mine below)
4- Tell your young kids every day and your big kids every week (no matter how old they are!) I love you, I’m proud of you, You’re good at …
5- Challenge any negative thought to see if it is helpful or harmful (the negative thought “don’t hit my ball in the water to the right” is helpful IF it’s done in the planning stage of executing a golf shot, not the performing stage) so you can then turn it into a positive thought as needed (so I’ll pick a target more to the left so I can still swing freely)
6- Give yourself some grace. Both by nature and by living in an ever critical world, we tend to “look for the negative” in things and this includes our self (especially for “successful” people). And to some degree this has served us well as we look to improve our weaknesses. But like a big bowl of ice cream or a huge bag of popcorn and a large Cherry-Coke (my splurge when I’m traveling), too much will make us sick. Mentally sick. Don’t do that to yourself.
A few months ago I was on a call and asked to provide what advice I would give to my 20-year old self. My response was, “You will meet a lot of people the next 40 years who can help or hurt the situations you find yourself in. The one thing none of them can do for you is choose the self-talk you constantly bombard yourself with. That will always remain your most impactful choice in life.”
Choose wisely.
Dr. Mo
You can find more content from Dr. Mo about golf and life on his website https://www.drmolearntowin.com. He has also written several books titled “Learn to Win” and “The Winning Way in Golf and Life.” You can find them at https://www.amazon.com/Learn-Win-Dr-Morris-Pickens/dp/0557091942 and https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Way-Golf-Life/dp/1400324068
ThinkMoveThrive
After reading Dr. Mo, do you feel like your self-talk may need to change. What changes would you make? If you are interested in helping team members or employees in your organization become more aware of their self-talk, we are here to help! If so, check out our 1on1 Coaching App. We created an entire coaching system to make it easier for managers to have consistent conversations with team members designed to develop trust and team performance. For the most effective results, contact us to set up training for your coaching system launch.
~ Coach D
